Break Every Chain

I woke up this morning with this song in my mind...




We sang it at church yesterday, and the part of it that I was hearing when I woke up was

BREAK EVERY CHAIN

BREAK EVERY CHAIN

BREAK EVERY CHAIN

and

THERE'S AN ARMY RISING UP

THERE'S AN ARMY RISING UP

THERE'S AN ARMY RISING UP

A welcome encouragement today. There's some chains that need broken, and I can't wait to write of the testimony that is being forged in the furnace of our affliction. Boy, that sounds dramatic...but I believe we are on the verge of a miraculous move of Yahweh in our lives, one we have waited for now for over 12 years. He promised, and He does not lie. I don't understand His ways or His time table...it certainly is not  in sync with what I think it should be or it would have happened 12 years ago!

As I spent some time in worship and prayer this morning, I just could not get this song out of my head, nor the sense that there is a literal army of angels behind me, rising up to battle the enemy of our souls, HaSatan. To break the chains with which we have been bound for so long. That was definitely encouraging, as I have struggled this past week in keeping bitterness at bay and faith and hope in Abba's promise alive. 

I lifted my hands in worship, I saw in the spirit that army rising up, and felt a surge of confidence such that I could say

Bring it on, you filthy devil...

I have no desire to tempt Yahweh, nor to antagonize my enemy independently of spiritual back-up, but in that moment I truly felt I could say that and not worry about the repercussions because my Daddy's got this. 

Whenever I wake with a song in my heart like I did this morning, I always think of the verse in Zephaniah that says Yahweh will rejoice over us with singing. So, I looked it up. I was pretty sure it was in the third chapter, and I asked "what verse?" then immediately heard "14."  Here is what it says...

14 Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel! Rejoice, be in high spirits and glory with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem [in that day]. 15 [For then it will be that] the Lord has taken away the judgments against you; He has cast out your enemy. The King of Israel, even the Lord [Himself], is in the midst of you; [and after He has come to you] you shall not experience or fear evil any more. [AMP]

I can't tell you how encouraging, and how precise, that was. The verse I was actually looking for is verse 17...

17 The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing. [AMP]

I feel a sense of peace now replacing the anxiety I struggled with last week. It is such a relief to know that Yahweh's got this, because it is way beyond anything we could handle on our own.

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

Thank you, Yahweh, for your encouragement today. Thank you for doing for me that which I can not do myself...

Provision for the Journey

I went to bed early...er, anyway. Before midnight! I didn't waste time looking at things I can't have right now (well, for the most part), and was determined to go to bed before midnight. Maybe I should say Turn Everything Off And Go To Sleep, since I go to bed at a relatively decent time most nights, I just stay up reading, watching TV (Netflix app on my phone is wonderful...), browsing the net...just about anything to keep from going to sleep. To get some Me Time, since most of my day consists of meeting everyone else's wants/needs/demands it seems. I knew it was part of the job, I guess I just thought maybe once in a while I could do something I want to do.  This season, of demanding preschoolers and moody preteens, will end soon enough...it's just hard to see any end to the demanding nature of it.

I drifted off to sleep, praying...telling Yahweh I would do better tomorrow. That I really want to get to know His heart.

This morning I stayed up and had some coffee. I opened up the Kindle app on my phone (someday, I will actually have a Kindle...) and read a daily devotional I had purposed in my heart to read daily a few weeks ago, but have been very hit-and-miss about it. I decided to check my email, as I get some inspirational emails daily that always have some good nuggets in them. One email is from a source of free Kindle books, and there within I found this:

I Have Loved You:  Getting to Know the Father's Heart

photo from navpress.com

Hello!! It looks like Yahweh heard my prayer, and answered in just the way I needed. Now, why should I be surprised? I guess because I wasn't expecting it. I mean, I always try to believe that Yahweh will answer my prayers, I try to push back the thoughts that say He will answer them in the opposite way, just to teach me something. For example, we need a new vehicle. I can't stand Pontiacs, boxy looking things like Honda Elements or whatever nitwits came up with that Cube thing. I don't like dark green, dark blue, white, red, black, maroon or burgundy paint. So, when I pray for a new vehicle, I secretly fear that He will bring us a dark green Pontiac or a burgundy cracker box on wheels, and I will have to humble myself and be thankful for it. 

You see, I don't really know the heart of the Father. 

I really need to change my view of Him.

The Key Thought for Deeper Intimacy in the reading today (in the book above) is:

Because my Father has said, "You are Mine,"

I can personally experience His love.

I'm trying to remember that today. I think I will write it on something and put it where I can see it. Maybe I need to just chew on that for a few days before moving on, because honestly...I hear it in my head, but it's not in my heart yet. 

There was a brief moment of a spark trying to kindle when I read 

In Ephesians 1:4, Paul proclaimed that what God did for Israel, He has also done for you:  "Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love" (MSG)

It is mind-blowing to think that Yahweh was thinking of me, and gazillions of others, before he ever laid the foundations of this earth. If I can just absorb that, let that permeate every cell, every breath, every heartbeat, every thought...

I planned on reading a chapter a day in this book, but I really feel I can't move on until I really, really get that because my Father has said, "You are Mine," I can personally experience His love. I'm not personally experiencing His love...yet.

Vicious Cycles and Great Intentions

The cycle repeats itself, viciously...

1. "I can't seem to Get it Right!!"
2. "Tomorrow, I will Get it Together"
3. Tonight, I Stay Up Way Too Late
4. In the morning, I Can't Stay Awake, go back to sleep
5. I wake up, Behind Again
6. "I just Can't Get it Right!!!"

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I started this blog with the image of myself up early, before the rest of the house awakens...sipping on coffee and sitting at the feet of my Lord, waiting eagerly to hear what is on His heart for the day. Sounds good on paper, but the execution always seems to be a bit lacking.

One thing I need to do is break the cycle of Beating Myself Up When I Don't Get it Right. That can be accomplished by Not Setting Myself Up To Fail. Rewinding the tape from last night...well, I should have just gone to sleep after turning out the light instead of looking at a Homes and Land mag for a house we'll never buy. Even then, I could have still salvaged my sleep by not scouring Craigslist for an RV we can't afford at the moment, a vehicle we won't be able to purchase for at least a month, and a new home to move to when we can't move out of the one we're in yet. 

The only possible good that came out of that ridiculous waste of time was the accidental stumbling upon something that could possibly change our future tremendously. I won't write about it now...you know, don't count your eggs before they hatch and all. But, I also don't want to get my hopes up, in case This Isn't It. 

Fast forward to today and I knew as I laid back down For Just A Little Bit that I would end up sleeping in way too late. I still am up waaaaaaaayyyy earlier than I got up BK (Before Kids), so I should remember that. And I still managed to keep laundry moving, make breakfast, schedule a violin lesson and get a chicken in the oven for a long, slow roast for supper later by 11:30 am. It hasn't been a complete waste.

But, I'm still in my pj's and I need to get lessons done with the kids. I want to go through the clutter on the front porch that has piled up AGAIN. I should go through books, closets, drawers and corners and get rid of stuff. I need to get my calendar in order (I bought a blank calendar on clearance for $3 a few years ago, and I just write in pencil and erase every year) - it's nearly the end of January and I have yet to flip from December to January, let alone erase and write in the new dates. Yeah, calendars aren't really helpful tools for me.

But worst of all, I haven't taken the time to spend listening to Abba's heart today. Of all the Coulda Woulda Shouldas, that is the one I beat myself up for the most. I know, the day is not over yet, but it seems like it might as well be once the Four Year Olds wake up...it's all about them from then until  bedtime! 

I'm thankful Yah knows my heart, but I can not let that excuse my own passivity. The message at church yesterday really drove that home for me...I am too passive and complacent. And I know that it all stems from a disconnected relationship to my Abba Father...and, to be honest, a prideful heart that thinks it knows best what I should do each day and I have no need for direction from God.

When you realize that that you're in error you have two choices:  continue in error or correct the error. The only way I can correct this error (of not spending time with the Father to start my day) is to spend time with Him now...unfortunately, because of my prideful error, I don't have the time I want to give. How grateful I am that He can take a few loaves and fishes and miraculously multiply them to meet the needs of many. It is my prayer this morning to offer up the time I can and hope to receive what I need to meet the needs of my family today. I feel I should also desire to meet the needs of those outside of my family, but is that heaping guilt upon myself that I need not carry? Of course we should desire and look for ways to bless others outside our immediate sphere of influence, but feeling guilty about not always being able to when you are in a season of life with young children can't be right, either. 

And so, the Great Intentions of Yesterday turned out to be the Not Measuring Up As Usual actions of today. I need to break the cycle, because like a hamster on a wheel, it's getting nowhere fast.

TODAY I CHOOSE:

1. To be grateful for Yahweh's great and tender mercies
2. To keep my inner ear tuned to hear His voice
3. To respond in obedience
4. To repent of sin
5. To resolve to do better tomorrow
6. To forgive myself if I don't

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

The Call to Pursue the Father's Heart

"Are you pursuing My presence, or are you pursuing My heart?"

Ouch.

At first glance, what's the difference? Aren't we supposed to pursue the wonderful, awesome, mighty presence of Yahweh? Could there be anything wrong with that? That just sounds silly, really.

Except...

Yahweh's heart is the central thing. While so much can be found in His presence...peace, healing, restoration, deliverance...those things begin in His heart. The powerful presence of Yahweh contains the goodness that overflows from His heart.

This question has been pursuing me since church this morning. My dear friend, who was leading worship today, paused to share what Yahweh had "arrested" her heart with this week. In turn, He is arresting my own heart and I am forced to examine it...

Ouch. Yeah, it's unpleasant in there sometimes.

I don't like to see that I'm pursuing His benefits more than Him. That in some ways, I am treating Yahweh, the Holy One, like a magical genie in a lamp there to answer my every whim. But honestly, that's kind of what I've been doing deep down in my heart.

So, I've started this blog to use during my quiet times before Yahweh...to journal what He reveals to me about what is on His heart. He has shown me so much in the last couple of years, things that have really blown my mind. And yet, here I sit...passive and disengaged most times. Time to stand up in the place in which I belong. Time to really and truly put Yahweh first and trust the outcome to Him. Time to listen and obey.

Time to pursue His heart.